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Matt's Rants

Creepy Church Carnival

I used to live by this church that looks like an architect’s masterpiece with the exception of the weird abortion poster on the side of the building. It displayed a naked infant, lying on his/her stomach with an extended arm, with the line “Take my hand, not my life”. That conjured up several thoughts including “Is that what an aborted baby looks like? ” I always imagine the crazy characters that protest those antiabortion clinics begin there.

 

Years later, I came across this place again for a carnival. There was a large box van parked on the street with the back cab open. It had the words “Merry Go Round” Spray-painted on the back wall of the cab. I didn’t think much of it, except a Sunday night filled with entertainment for my family. I decided to check this place out, forgetting about the past thoughts. As my wife, kid, and I entered the church’s parking lot that contained an outside market place, we decided to cruise the tents filled with cheap merchandise and ended up buying a toy to please the pursuing child. We finally get out to the playing field where the carnie games are with some of the rides. I have several experiences in arguing with carnie game attendants, so I tried to avoid them at all cost, so I dragged my child on some rides. The first ride we hit up is a Ferris wheel. Old and wobbly but we survived. The toddler enjoyed herself if you can look passed her look of fear every time she saw skyline oppose to ground.  When we finally got out of the Ferris wheel cab, I quickly dragged her to the next toddler friendly ride, which was a circling coaster. She was open to the thought of jumping into a cart with daddy, but in a matter of moments of the ride beginning, I found her face shoved in my kidney. That sort of set the tone for the rest of her trip. She refused to go onto any rides. We tried to get her on a kiddy cars ride, but she objected and we had to find a ride quick to use up the shredded tickets of the ride operator. We saw a mirror maze across the way. The Mirror Maze operator was this scary guy name Bob. Bob had sleeves of tattoos of curved words. Something you wouldn’t expect at a church carnival. He was friendly and sent us on our way. We quickly got through the mirror corners and found a set of rusted stairs. At the top of the stairs was a short walk of fun mirrors that lead to a slide. The slide was awesome. So much so, the toddler raced back into the mirror maze to try this again. I followed her. Unfortunately, even after already conquering this maze, she still managed to run into a mirror and occasionally get stuck and cried for help. When getting off of the slide for the third time, we had to pull her away.

 

Upon exiting, we found the ultimate slide! About two million feet in the air, the child found her sanctuary. She didn’t mind the 2 billion steps up to the slide and was overjoyed and ready to climb again after every time. We convince her to leave by saying we needed to feed the dog at home. As we were rounding the corner to the front of the church, we came across the creepy, weird, abortion sign. I guess antiabortion campaigns aren’t so bad.

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Matt's Rants

Is Your Princess in Another Castle? I Say Let Her Go.

 

If you have to go through eight worlds like Mario had to just to find out that the princess wasn’t there, wouldn’t you just give up after the third? I realize in a lot of movies, the love interest always messes things up. In a world like today, you think she would be the only one out there for you, but with seven billion people in the world, do you really think she is the only one for you? If anything, you can probably find someone exactly like her. Someone that is even a lot better. She could be a model with your girlfriend’s interest? Or an Asian version of your one and only? There is no reason why you should stick with stupid, especially if she keeps getting into trouble. There is one exception you should stick with stupid. Zombie Apocalypse. Chances of finding a living vagina to repopulate the earth at the point might be a bit hard. Then, yes, save her.  Love isn’t really that hard to find. You can even buy love. Might not be the same love you are hoping to get but its love. Why would you care who spends the rest of your life with you if you can just adjust to that person’s well being? I say stop being a clingy hero and find someone who can cook and keep themselves inside.

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Matt's Rants

Super Powers!

On the talk of super powers, what super power do you want the most?

After seeing the two main summer blockbusters of 2012, I want the power of advertisement. It may sound dumb, but think about it. Batman and Ironman both prove that money is the best super power, as shown in their respective movies.  To be stars of the show, you don’t need to be cops, monsters, have steroids, skills, or even be a God. You need just enough money to make you invincible from all that stuff. Now, what does that have to do with advertisement? Everything. Crapping blockbuster hits drown you in so much advertisement on every televisions, buses, trains, and even airplanes which helps them succeed by making sure you know their flick by the time you show up to the theatres so, you can choose their flick over flick B. So, if everyone came to see my flick over flick B, I would receive that money. Also, If McDonalds serve approximately 58 million a day, making at least one buck per a sale, they would have 58 million dollars. According to Forbes Fictional 15 article, Tony Stark’s net worth is only 9.3 billion dollars and Bruce Wayne’s Net worth is only at 6.9 billion, I should be able to catch up to them in no time. Now to come up with a DIY super power…

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Matt's Rants

What About Me?

You might see me as your average man, but I would have to disagree. I have extraordinary powers. “What powers?” you might ask. I have the power to write this piece. I know some of you guys can do this too, but probably won’t. I have the power to tell stories from my impeccable memory. I am also an electronics genius. I may not be electronically suave as Iron Man, which brings me on to my next topic. I am an avid comic book reader. I may not have read every book in existence, but I have read a number of them. Just don’t ask me to pick between Marvel and D.C. You wouldn’t want Batman or Spider-man mad at you either. I choose to listen to podcasts over music. I believe one of the best forms of entertainment is another person’s story. It might not always be as great as living through it yourself but it is the next best thing.  I can solve a lot of problems. It’s easy. If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it.  If it is broken, fix it so it will never happen again.  It’s as simple as that. I may not be perfect, but my daughter is. She is a bit of me, plus more. She’s as charming as a princess. Her only flaw is that she is getting bigger and will eventually have a full life of her own. She’s only two now and has already taught me something; without warning, time will pass you by.

 

What about you?

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Matt's Rants

Matt’s Rants Intro.

Matt did not only prove that he was better than me, but he continuously out beats me in Awesomeness. That is why I am constantly catching myself talking about him. He tells the coolest stories and makes me wish I could live a life like him. I can’t though. This is the part where I come up with a lame excuse, blah, blah, blah, blah, and you, readers, just nod in agreement.

Thank you for your participation.

Matt… er, I mean, Mikie

Now on to Matt’s Rants.