Another scene. This one involves Dennis and Eddy discussing their status as fanboys, Spiderman killing Mary Jane, “pullin the plug,” and Erica’s promiscurity.
(walkin out of diner, down the street)
Dennis: You gotta be shittin me
Eddy: Stop me when I lie
Dennis: There’s no possible way you could be right.
Eddy: Dude, you keep tryin to contend you’re straight, but if you wanna have
this conversation on the street, not only are you about as straight as a 3
dollar bill, but you’re furthering the belief that you’re the only gay virgin in
existence.
Dennis: Fuck off, you walk around with that smug look, but you know you’re an
even bigger fanboy than me.
Eddy: Pfft!
Dennis: Oh no? Then say that Superman is the alter ego Clark Kent created to
stop crime.
Eddy: Blasphemy! Everyone knows that Clark Kent is the alter ego created by
Superman to project his true thoughts of humanity as weak, cowardly, &
pathetic individuals.
Dennis: Hah!
Eddy: Well, maybe you’re right about that, but that doesn’t make me a liar
Dennis: Yeah it does, cause there’s no way it’d destroy her.
Eddy: C’mon man, you ever see a patient go through Kemo?
Dennis: What’s that gotta do with Mary Jane?
Eddy: Well, when a patient is subjected to all that radiation, it’s starts to have
negative side effects on their body. Now we all know Mary Jane and
Parker have been married for years, and considering the looks she always
gives him, they’ve gotta be fuckin like rabbits.
Dennis: O…k
Eddy: Hear me out, Parker got his powers through a radioavtive spider bite,
right? You figure it altered his DNA, and what’s more, you have to
assume that in order for him to have kept his powers so long the radiation
had to stay in his system
Dennis: Sounds about right
Eddy: Now, you figure a married couple, especially one with a pregnency scare
like the Parkers, had to stop wearin raincoats a while ago. Every time
they get down, he’s givin her a hefty dose of radiation.
Dennis: Still can’t buy it
Eddy: Think about it, even if they get down only once a week, he’s injectin her
with radioactive spider splooge 52 times a year. Are you gonna tell me
that’s doin nothin to her?
Dennis: Well…
Eddy: Quit bein a pussy and admit, Parker loves Mary Jane, but of all the
people tryin to kill her, he’s the one that’s gonna succeed.
Dennis: Dude, what the fuck goes on in your head to make you come up with all
this shit?
Eddy: I’d like to let you glimpse into the mad world that is my cerebelum, but
I’m afraid the content will give your fragile mind such a shock you’ll fall
into a deep state of psychosis, then I’d have to kill you, Old Yeller style.
Dennis: That’s cold man
Eddy: What else do you do with a friend who’s lost his mind? You expect me to
babysit you while you smear fecal matter on the walls of your confinement
area?
Erica: Hey guys, what’s up?
Dennis: Nothing, ‘cept lil Travis here is gonns kill me
Erica: What?
Eddy: Now c’mon, I didn’t say it like that
Erica: Why are you trying to kill him
Dennis: ‘Cause I smeared shit on the walls
Erica: Smeared shit on the wa-?
Eddy: Dude, do you really have a problem with this shit?
Dennis: Not if you actually wanna be a douchebag for the rest of your life
Eddy: Grow up, I’d expect you to do the same for me, not like this wuss over
here
Erica: Hey!
Dennis: Really? In that case, it’s kool…fuckin bitches never wanna pull the plug
Erica: You can’t call me a bitch!
Eddy: I think he just did.
Erica: God-damn fucks are always the same!
Dennis: What’s got her panties up in a bunch?
Eddy: My guess is she just broke up with “stupid”
Erica: I thought he was special
Eddy: Bullshit, Ere
Dennis: Gotta admit, I’ve seen-
Erica: Shut up! You don’t know
Eddy: C’mon! How many dates?
Erica: A lady doesn’t tell
Dennis: You’re no lady
Erica: :-O
Eddy: Dennis…Erica?
Erica: Four
Eddy: …
Erica: ok three
Eddy: Uh-huh
Erica: (sigh) fine…second date
Dennis: Dude, you are a slut!
Erica: Son of a-
Eddy: Denny, we had a talk about this, you need to learn how to NOT blurt
things out.
Erica: Why the fuck do you even bring this fuck-tard around without a leash?
Eddy: Now play fair, Ere, I could just as easily ask you why you don’t have a
muzzle on your oyster ditch to stop it from tryin to swallow every nether-
rod in a 5 mile radius
Erica: Oh, like you’re one to talk. I may be a whore, but at least I’m gettin
satisfied. Don’t pretend I didn’t hear about your 5 second power show
with Betty
Eddy: Oh, that’s where you wanna take it?
Erica: Express Shipping. Bring your A-game, bitch!
Dennis: When are you two just going to admit you love eachother?
Both: WHAT!?
(Eddy, Erica look incredulously at Dennis. Walk away)
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