Matt's Rants

Creepy Church Carnival

I used to live by this church that looks like an architect’s masterpiece with the exception of the weird abortion poster on the side of the building. It displayed a naked infant, lying on his/her stomach with an extended arm, with the line “Take my hand, not my life”. That conjured up several thoughts including “Is that what an aborted baby looks like? ” I always imagine the crazy characters that protest those antiabortion clinics begin there.


Years later, I came across this place again for a carnival. There was a large box van parked on the street with the back cab open. It had the words “Merry Go Round” Spray-painted on the back wall of the cab. I didn’t think much of it, except a Sunday night filled with entertainment for my family. I decided to check this place out, forgetting about the past thoughts. As my wife, kid, and I entered the church’s parking lot that contained an outside market place, we decided to cruise the tents filled with cheap merchandise and ended up buying a toy to please the pursuing child. We finally get out to the playing field where the carnie games are with some of the rides. I have several experiences in arguing with carnie game attendants, so I tried to avoid them at all cost, so I dragged my child on some rides. The first ride we hit up is a Ferris wheel. Old and wobbly but we survived. The toddler enjoyed herself if you can look passed her look of fear every time she saw skyline oppose to ground.  When we finally got out of the Ferris wheel cab, I quickly dragged her to the next toddler friendly ride, which was a circling coaster. She was open to the thought of jumping into a cart with daddy, but in a matter of moments of the ride beginning, I found her face shoved in my kidney. That sort of set the tone for the rest of her trip. She refused to go onto any rides. We tried to get her on a kiddy cars ride, but she objected and we had to find a ride quick to use up the shredded tickets of the ride operator. We saw a mirror maze across the way. The Mirror Maze operator was this scary guy name Bob. Bob had sleeves of tattoos of curved words. Something you wouldn’t expect at a church carnival. He was friendly and sent us on our way. We quickly got through the mirror corners and found a set of rusted stairs. At the top of the stairs was a short walk of fun mirrors that lead to a slide. The slide was awesome. So much so, the toddler raced back into the mirror maze to try this again. I followed her. Unfortunately, even after already conquering this maze, she still managed to run into a mirror and occasionally get stuck and cried for help. When getting off of the slide for the third time, we had to pull her away.


Upon exiting, we found the ultimate slide! About two million feet in the air, the child found her sanctuary. She didn’t mind the 2 billion steps up to the slide and was overjoyed and ready to climb again after every time. We convince her to leave by saying we needed to feed the dog at home. As we were rounding the corner to the front of the church, we came across the creepy, weird, abortion sign. I guess antiabortion campaigns aren’t so bad.

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