Author: Mattrix

Everyone went through that high school crush. Even, if you went to an all boy or an all girl school. You just had that someone that you could not get out of your mind and you were stuck watching him or her spend his or her finer years with someone else. Whether if you were an obsess nut or a closet crusher, you had someone and it is a natural human thing. The only thing to do is to prove that you are worth their time.

Juliet was the quiet girl in the class. She was always around her friend who would always start the conversation and ended it as well. Juliet was your girl next store cutie. I unfortunately got to become her go-to-guy who was only there to listen. I know many others had been stuck in this same situation and called it the “friend zone”. I eventually got to personally hang out with Juliet and dragged her to random places such as to bad movies and to school and such. Juliet continued to date the same guy. This guy was portrayed as your top of the line douchebag. He was always jealous, always fighting, and occasionally cheating. I always hoped to save her from that life. Until one day I finally did.

A couple of years after high school, I took Juliet out to a bad movie. It was so bad, I tried to recall what it was and ended up staring at the computer screen for about ten minutes before finally giving up. We went back to her house and sat on her porch. The sun was out and the weather was beautiful. Everything was going so well. Even my confidence was at an all time high, which would explain my next action. I kissed her. She was obviously nervous at first but quickly gave in. The first week was the greatest thing out of our friendship. We were inseparable.

 

One day, I took her back to my parent’s place where we would make out hours on in which eventually, things got hot and heavy for us. Then she said something that completely caught me off guard.

 

“I have never had sex with a guy before. “ Juliet starts.

“Wait, you have been with dude all this time and he has never made a move?” I had to ask.

“Well there’s something I have to tell you. He is actually a she.” Juliet confesses.

 

            Obviously, things grew weird between us, but it didn’t stop us from hanging out. As a matter of fact, it sort of went like this.

 

We ended up going to our local pizza joint. As we were sitting at the window-barstool section, staring out into the busy city from our seats.

 

“She’s hot.” Juliet says.

“Yes, she is.” I agree.  “So what do you look for in a girl’s feature? Is it the same as guys?”

“Well, girls either have one of two things going for them. They either have big boobs or a big butt.” She begins explaining a woman’s anatomy to me.

“I don’t really judge by that. That’s lust. What’s the point? It’s the same Vagina?” I respond.

“Eww, don’t say vagina.” She says.

“Why not?” I ask.

“It doesn’t roll off the tongue like ‘pussy’ does.” She says.

“So you like saying pussy more than Vagina? Don’t you think that sounds a bit vulgar?”

“Nope, I think it’s more hot.” She defends her opinion.

I guess my-one was sort of different.

 

 

 

 

I was a nympho according to my mom. I was also considered as a playboy and a home wrecker as my coworkers carefully phrased it. I have found myself in several situations involving love and such. I started writing these stories on the bad situations I was involved in and called them, “Stupid Cupid Tricks”.

My mom always said I was going to be the lady-killer, the heartbreaker, the chick magnet. Even though this sounds like every nerd’s expectation from their mother, I have lived up to my mothers’ expectations. I soon found my self in high school falling into all sorts of relationships. I begin talking about these relationships on an Internet social media site and called them “Cases”. These “Cases” were read, reviewed, and critique by my friends and strangers. The first case got several hits and comments, it kept me going. I decided to rewrite and update them in hopes of getting people familiar of “Stupid Cupid Tricks” and to warn them of the dangers of the bad love out there.

I do speak harshly of the significant others so I am covering them up by calling them, Juliet. I was never called a Romero, but with the way I act at times, I never expect myself to be. I know the stories are going to sound familiar. Even though they are true events, if you think you are involved, please read the disclaimer below…

These cases are totally fictitious.

Any similarity to the history of any person (such as yourself), living or dead, or any actual event is entirely coincidental and unintentional.

Except where specifically noted otherwise.

Thanks for reading and now on to Stupid Cupid Tricks.

As I channel surf and see the scores of teenage mothers and decades old movies, I am continuing to gravitate toward the real stuff, such as Bait Car. I can’t continue with the bathetic act that the reality television stars put on, oppose to cops baiting people into their trick cars. I am happy that we aren’t starting every show with a compere with that famous “Attention ladies and gentlemen” Speech, but I can honestly say that I am disappointed on where today’s world is going to. Nine hundred plus channels and apparently eight hundred of them are Kardashian related because people are looking to be involved in these people’s lives and see the crazy antics this family gets into. The world today is surfeit with people like them. Instead of being your own gallant creator, they always have to follow another.  I guess everyone likes to watch and some how relate to popular people’s drama. I say live your life under your own limelight and leave them alone. I know this might seem nugatory, but I had to get it off my chest. I have nothing against Kim. I did enjoy that movie she did with Ray J. I just think if you choose to watch something, let it be something you can learn from.  Hell, I watched an episode of Sid the Scientist with my kid and she, being two, knew shit that I remember learning in second grade that I had completely forgot. They made everything into songs like what School House Rock did when I was a child and I guarantee that she will never forget, which will definitely get her passed the Kardashians of the world. This just goes to show that our world is ending up in idiocracy.

My girlfriend’s Son just came back from his dad’s house. I haven’t seen him in days and he is only 5 going to be 6 so I try to converse with him to build his verbal skills. Normally it’s over a bowl of cereal or some sort of early morning snack while everyone is still asleep and we are wide awake. An example of our conversation goes:

 

Me: What did you do this weekend?

Kid: We went to McDonalds!

Me: Cool, What else?

Kid: We went bowling!

Me: Did you win?

Kid: Uh huh!

 

Which I will always expect out of him being five or so, trying to develop his sense of telling stories. Then this weekend happened. I woke up late and didn’t get our morning routine, instead I started conversation with him in front of everyone.

 

Me: Did you have fun with daddy?

Kid: Uh huh.

Me: What did you do?

Kid: I played bowling until *newborn baby sister * fell asleep.

Me: Cool. What else did you do?

Kid: I saw *Dad’s new girlfriend * take off her Chonies (Spanish for underwear).

 

I wasn’t completely awake until this point, when my head snapped to the boy’s face and then quickly snapped to the boy’s mother, whose face is lit up in anger. The mother joins the conversation to see what else he noticed at his age.

 

Mother: Does *dad’s new girlfriend * sleep naked?

Kid: Yea, so does daddy!

 

The out come never came up yet, but I will admit, this isn’t going to be pretty. Sometimes, they are much smarter than you think.

 

Today, I realize how proud I am to live in this belletristic city. Sometimes it’s not always the cool things to see around the city so much it is the people.  For example, here is some of the things, I encountered today on my way to work.

I’ve come across a man asking for change. He was sitting on a fire hydrant, sitting next to a gas can. Assumable, he needed gas. I had to deny him, for my lack of carrying cash. I continue on my daily routine and ran into the gas station and retrieve a giant one-buck ice tea. Upon my return, the man was already at a gas pump, filling his can, while talking to a man in a high-end car. I guess it was an Escalade, but I don’t know jack about cars. Continuing my journey to work. Across the street, I race downstairs to the subway station. Paid my fares and found a seat on a bench next to a young lady. I really didn’t know anything about this young lady. In moments, she’d receive a phone call. During the call, she mentions that her warranty doesn’t cover what was wrong with her car. She said she wanted to go back to her old one. She also mention that she would stop paying her loan, which I, being familiar with loan processes, knew that would just add on to the problems she already had. She kept making references to dad and comments, such as “I know, mother” which would conclude that she was talking to her mom. She finally hangs up with her mom and the train pulls up.

 

Upon entering the train, the first thing that catches your attention is the homeless man, laid out on a few seats, forcing people to stand. Including myself. He was clutched on a duffle bag and looked horrific. Over grown beard, wore out clothes, and a stench that kept everyone on the other side of the car. I ended up snagging a seat next to an elderly gentleman. Then our on board entertainment begin. A six-foot black man begins to sing out loud to whatever he was listening to. I believe I would’ve gotten along with him otherwise, because of the Star Wars T-shirt he was sporting and a zombie tattoo on his leg. His singing caused me to put on my headphones. Since, I drumming on my leg to the song on my headphones, I totally missed the elderly begging me to move so he could get off. I finally notice his angry stare and quickly moved out into the aisle without taking off my headphones to avoid listening to his profanity.

 

Finally, it comes to my stop. I couldn’t be happier. After, step dancing with the singing Star Wars fan, I raced up the stairs to catch my bus. I was the only one at the stop, with a colorful line of Taxicabs. Minutes have passed and there’s now a group of us looking upon the colorful cabs. Bus finally arrives and chases the cabs around the corner, almost like a lion chases antelope. Being first at the stop, some how made me last on the bus, but I didn’t care, since I would be in a matter of stops. The bus apparently comes across a mental training facility, because there are always a bunch of mentally challenge folks. Literally. Since, I have been making the same commute for the past eight years, I have seen several of these faces before. Some say hi, but most of them stay silent. I think it’s mainly because they are shy. Which they shouldn’t be, because being different is something everyone has in common with everyone. I am pretty sure, they are much smarter than the majority of the humans, I do know anyways. I, eventually, get to my job and begin my workday.

Who can disagree with on road entertainment like this? I know I enjoy it, more than my whole workday combine, with the exception of payday.